Daddy I miss you

I wrote about missing an emotionally connect, of feeling loved and respected in my last post.  I do feel the desire for this and understand how it is missing, but the thing I feel much more strongly is  the hole of being forced to be a part time parent.  With what happened in the days leading up to our divorce, I probably have the right to be angry and for sure the temptation to be bitter.  But for the most part the anger I feel has little to do with those circumstances anymore.  I have forgiven her and to be honest have forgiven myself for the way I responded.  Yet, the place that I still am harboring anger and extreme sadness is the parent thing. 
I love my daughters, I am an active father and I always have been.  I cherish the time I get with them and one of my most consistent prayers is thankfulness  for being allowed the privilege to be their dad.  Now I see them twice a week and every other weekend. The worst time of my week, every week, is dropping my daughters off at our families old home and driving away alone.  It is heart wrenching.  I will admit to stopping a little ways away from the house and weeping until I could see through the tears enough to drive safely. 
Their are parts of this divorce that aren't so bad, our marriage relationship was so toxic at the end that I constantly felt ignored, judged, insulted or condescended.   But to have this constant ache inside of me of knowing that my daughters are weekly ripped apart from me is horrible.  I would change anything to not have this reality.  Anything....Everything....

To have to hear from my daughter as she is getting ready for bed, "Daddy I miss you."  I despise this and I am heart broken by those words.  Happy F*&^ing Fathers day to me!