I have a broken lover

So this morning after last nights rough patch I woke up and prayed again, for me, for my daughters, for my ex and even for the new bf...a little bit. 

The truth is that as this continues to sink in the more real the rejection feels and the more confused I become about what went wrong.  I mean I get a few of the obvious things, those are hard to miss.  But those were later on and they were in my thought a response to the problems.  Or at least I believe the issues weakened the resolve that we both had not to make selfish choices with no regard for the consequences. 
At several points my ex has pointed out or used the logic that we were just too different, that as we grew out of the infatuation stage we grew apart.  Then she has gone on to say that our experiences just left us wanting different things.  Part of me wants to say sure some of that makes sense.  The rest of me fights that saying that may feel true, but I think that is very common and it is up to married people to fight that and choose that this will not tear them apart.  What I believe a healthy marriage does is recognize the differences and similarities and then decide together what is going to be important to you.  You share your dreams, your deep thoughts and emotions.  You live in the present, consider the future and let the past become memories and lessons. (Holding on to the good and letting the pain teach you and then fade.) 
Will a part of you always wonder what if?  Sure I think so.  But you ignore that.  There are so many what if's to life and if we focus on them we become paralyzed and/or we act on them and create pain.  Not that some what if's can't be good, but I think when comparison is what drives us, we will one never be happy and two we will cause pain to ourselves and those around us.

What does it mean to be content and to dream of a better future?  I think if you know that this person you are in a committed relationship will be by your side forever good or bad, then contentment and hope is easy.  A big part of me wonders if I will ever regain the ability to do that.  I trusted, I gave my whole heart, I was content with a life where we followed her dreams for the most part, I prayed, I invested, and I was imperfect and I sinned too.  Now I don't trust...pretty much anybody.  Everyone has an ulterior motive, everyone has a secret, everyone has a story or parts of it that I do not know...what's the point?  I will either cause pain or be hurt in the end.  Maybe someday that will change but I really believe it will never be the same.  For now that part of me and the way that I interact with people is broken.  I can honestly say that I used to love everyone.  It was easy to love, easy to just focus on the good, the part of them that was striving for love and life...that part of me has been the biggest causality personally.  The time with my daughters and my destroyed marriage are things that happened to all of us and they are worse.  But this part of me the part that offered hope, that created an environment of grace, that just flat out loved people this loss is a tragedy. 

I read this article tonight and it is good.  It sums up what I thought and what I think about a committed, relationship and seeing it with right perspective.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/27749-you-never-marry-the-right-person?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Donald%20Miller