Peace

The fifth stage of loss is acceptance.... My marriage, my family, my life as I knew it once is over.   I think I am to the place that I am beginning to be okay with that.  After this year that seems to be almost hysterically funny, but not ha, ha funny.  I have felt s strange sense of peace, is that the right word?  I think it is.  Peace is a good feeling. 
I know I said I was going to be done writing here, but that last ending seemed incomplete. I think this is better. 

good bye for now

What do you blog about and what do you not blog about?  How deep do you go before you cross a line?  I probably have crossed the lines here a few times...yet I have been cautious to not cross the big ones here.  I have made some fairly big strides in the last few weeks I believe.  So I think it is time to stop blogging for now. 
So tonight I sign out and continue to move forward one step...one day at a time.  for now I will not delete this account but perhaps soon enough. 
Muah and good bye.

Bizaro world where to accomplish a goal I need to give up on a dream.

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?  How do you go on?  Then in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back.  There are somethings that time cannot mend.  Some hurts that go too deep.  That have taken hold."  --Frodo Baggins

I know deep down in my heart that this is not completely true.  However, I also know that when tragedies of this magnitude occur there are parts of you that die.  The question I am trying to figure out is what do I do with the parts of me that survived.  I want these parts to thrive and to write a story of great joy for the lives of my daughters and those with whom I am blessed to be a part of their lives for however briefly. 

 So the question remains how to accomplish this?  The short answer is one day at a time.  The little bit longer answer seems to be to stop holding onto the hopeless scenario where my family could reconnect.  Where my ex would come back and together we could work through our old issues and move into a new life.  A new marriage.  I mentioned that I am trying to do that in my last post.  It is harder than I thought it would be to be honest.  Mostly because the belief I once had that love can overcome anything.  And the current belief that I currently have that there is grace in this world to smooth over every wrong doing. 

Yet, I guess if I want to achieve my goals I need to give up on my dream.  That's so messed up, normally you sacrifice to achieve your dream, not the other way around.  Yet, I do know that to accomplish just about anything that is worth doing sacrifices need to be made. 

Maybe I will win the powerball tonight and all my problems will be solved1  Ha!